Post by maire on Feb 25, 2009 19:47:58 GMT 12
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding
items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a
remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused
to come shopping with me, and I
figured this was the most evil thing
I could do to him legally.'
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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take
boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh,
rip the hair out by the root, and still
be afraid of a spider.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of
cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were
looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday,
I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers;
cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road
for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied,
'in-laws.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife
about how many words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to men....
The husband then turned to his wife
and asked, 'What?'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day,
'I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument
about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here
and you should do it, because that is your job,
and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides,
it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says .'HEBREWS'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And last but not least ............
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:0 0 AM
for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover
it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't
wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding
items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a
remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused
to come shopping with me, and I
figured this was the most evil thing
I could do to him legally.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take
boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh,
rip the hair out by the root, and still
be afraid of a spider.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of
cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were
looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday,
I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers;
cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road
for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied,
'in-laws.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife
about how many words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to men....
The husband then turned to his wife
and asked, 'What?'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day,
'I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument
about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here
and you should do it, because that is your job,
and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides,
it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says .'HEBREWS'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And last but not least ............
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:0 0 AM
for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover
it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't
wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
