Disorder in the Court true and very Funny

[bingbong]

From a book "Disorder in the Court" by Richard
Lederer.
>
> These are things people actually said in court, word
for word, taken down
> by court reporters - who had the torment of staying
calm while these
> exchanges were actually taking place.
>
______________________________________________________
> Q: What is your date of birth?
> A: July fifteenth.
> Q: What year?
> A: Every year
>
______________________________________________________
> Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
> A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> _________________________________________________
> Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> A: I forget.
> Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of
something you've forgotten?
> __________________________________________________
> Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
> A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
which.
> Q: How long has he lived with you?
> A: Forty-five years.
> ________________________________________________
> Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke up that
> morning?
> A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> Q: And why did that upset you?
> A: My name is Susan.
> _______________________________________
> Q: And where was the location of the accident?
> A: Approximately milepost 499.
> Q: And where is milepost 499?
> A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
> _______________________________________
> Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
> A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
> _______________________________________
> Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
> A: After the accident?
> Q: Before the accident.
> A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to
school for it.
> ______________________________________________
> Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were
your red and blue lights
> flashing?
> A.: Yes.
> Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out
of her car?
> A: Yes, sir.
> Q: What did she say?
> A: What disco am I at?
> ________________________________________________
> Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
in his sleep he
> doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> ________________________________________________
> Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?
> ________________________________________________
> Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> ______________________________________________
> Q: She had three children, right?
> A: Yes.
> Q: How many were boys?
> A: None.
> Q: Were there any girls?
> ________________________________________________
> Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
> _______________________________________________
> Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
> A: By death.
> Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
> ________________________________________________
> Q: Can you describe the individual?
> A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> Q: Was this a male or a female?
> ______________________________________________
> Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
a deposition notice
> that I sent to your attorney?
> A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________________
> Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
> A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> ________________________________________________
> Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school
did you go to?
> A: Oral.
> _______________________________________________
> Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
> A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
> A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was doing an autopsy.
> _________________________________________________
> Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> ________________________________________________
> Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for breathing?
> A: No.
> Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was
alive when you began the
> autopsy?
> A: No.
> Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
jar.
> Q: But could the patient have still been alive
nevertheless?
> A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
and practicing law
> somewhere.
> ________________________________________________
> Judge: "Well Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've
decided to give your
> wife $775 a week."
> Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send
her a few bucks myself

[tormore]

Hahahahahaha well done.......