Nasty!

[sparrow]

I just saw this on the News and thought it was a bit OTT by the mother. What do you think?

Angry scenes as final river victim farewelled (+video, photos)
1:31PM Wednesday April 23, 2008
By Brooke Donovan


Catherine Linnen is comforted at her daughter's funeral in St Andrews Church, Otahuhu. Photo / Paul Estcourt
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There was bitterness at the final Mangatepopo River funeral this morning as the mother of victim Tara Gregory vented her anger at her daughter's father.

Tara, 16, was one of a group of six students and a teacher from the Elim Christian College in Howick who died when they were caught in a flash flood while canyoning in the Tongariro National Park last week.

Mother Catherine Linnen said Tara's father had no right to grieve for someone he wanted nothing to do with.

"She and I have been alone for 13 and a half years, we've heard nothing from her father," Ms Linnen said.

"I didn't feel they had a right to grieve for someone they couldn't be bothered to see.

"I've spent my life protecting her from him, and I wasn't going to stop because she's dead."

Mr Gregory, from Manukau, said he hadn't seen his daughter in 18 months.

He hadn't lived with Tara since she was three-years-old, but told reporters at St Andrew's Presbyterian Church in Otahuhu he wanted to come down and farewell his daughter.


The mother of Tara Gregory (inset) comforts Floyd Fernandes' father at his funeral. Photos / Supplied, Michael Craig
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"I thought the hatchet could be buried today but obviously not," Mr Gregory said.

Catherine described Tara "as a very quiet, private person who would have hated having her photo plastered across TV and newspapers."

She said she chose Tara's name because it meant 'star'.

"I know she's shining up in heaven right now," she said.

"She is a star by name, by nature and by destiny. So keep shining brightly Tara."

Tara's next door neighbour, Karen Blakeley compared Tara to the fireworks she loved, quiet at first but then "bright energetic and full of colour."

The father said he had kept away because of the tension between himself and the mother. He wanted his daughter to make up her own mind as an adult about him. The mother also banned all of his side of the family's relations from the funeral and so they waited outside. Personally ... I think this is quite nasty.

[sparrow]

Here's another article on the same subject:

Teen's funeral marred by family conflict
Wed, 23 Apr 2008 05:57p.m.

The final funeral for the Mangatepopo flash floods victims was marred by bitterness.

16-year-old Tara Gregory was farewelled, but absent was her father and his family. They were there, but were not allowed inside and police were called in to keep them out.

"I just felt that I've spent my life protecting her from her father and I wasn't going to stop just because she's dead," Tara's mother Katherine Linnen told 3 News.

Also kept out of the church was around 40 of Tara's relatives on her fathers side. Some had travelled more than four hours from Kaitaia to be there.

"I just didn't feel they had a right to come and grieve a child that they had paid no attention to in life," Katherine Linnen said.

But Tara's uncle, Cliff Gregory, says although she was always out of sight, Tara was never far from their minds. Mr Gregory laughed off suggestions that the family had come to snatch Tara's body.

"I really don't know where that came from," Mr Gregory said. "Maybe there's been too much of that sort of thing happening in the country lately. But we're just not that sort of whanau."

Even after the service Tom Gregory kept his distance, watching from the other side of the road as his daughters body was taken away for cremation.

He says he wanted to be in his daughter's life, but was waiting till she was an adult so she could make up her own mind about seeing him.

"I can understand Katherine's dislike for me and blaming me for everything and that's fine," Tara's father Tom Gregory said. "But to take it out on my family, now that really hurt."

Tara's mother says she has no regrets about shutting Gregory out of the service.

[maire]

Surely a bit of forgiveness for the father & relations wouldn't have hurt on that occasion.
Where was her Christian heart?
Personally I cannot understand ongoing bitterness in failed relationships ....... I find forgive and forget is easier and kinder to all concerned. Past experience taught me that.

[Lux]

I thought exactly the same thing marie, the woman calls herself a Christian and makes her daughters funeral all about herself, selfish woman.

Furthermore the media needs a kick in the arse over it too, coming home from work the radio news suggested an attempted body snatching was stopped in its tracks...though the story changed slightly on TV news. I was thinking what BS.

Just another attempt by the mother to negate the father was what I was thinking.

[misilon]

the mother had been solely responsible for all the life of this little girl,..bitterness was probably a fact of life for her where he was concerned,.....surely forgiveness was not something that was going to be automatic now that this situation had come about she may be christian but she is human and a grieving mother ...

.he had other occasion when he could have discreetly shown his respects, after all he had been discrete enuff all this little girls life

[hps]

Well she is ripping herself off wasting her energy on being hateful when she could be grieving and celebrating the life of her daughter...in the end misi, she's hurting herself.

[misilon]

not knowing all the facts pertaining to her situation you could be right lux

and at the "thought" of her child being uplifted by these people then I understand her stance, fully

just too bad for her reaction,...that it was so public
in her situation I would have done the same

it seems to be the kind of newsy situation that could easily have been taken advantage of by him and his whanau

its also the kind of situation I am used to seeing day in and day out


so yes, I did feel for her

[hps]

May be shes just a drama queen, Even reading the paper about the 'idea of her child being uplifted' looked like a 'play up' to me.

Mate, I've been to funerals, where several exes and a current partner have all been involved in the farewelling of the sometimes not so loved one...

I suppose that is the beauty of tangahanga, where its ok to stand up and state your greivance rather than carry it around like a weight around your neck forever and ever more.

I think in this situation its just perpetuating the illwill and hateful feelings and that seems very unchristian like to me.

Thats something I've never really understood about some Christians that they practise the opposite to what they preach.

[kokonutwoman]

Horrible just horrible. Although scrapping family need to vent this was not an appropriate outcome for all concerned. The day wasn't about the parents it was about Tara and the celebration of her life. Now it will be remembered for the bitterness and scrapping. They've missed the opportunity for peace even if it was for an hour or so. Shame on her shame on the media.

[misilon]

lux its ok!,. because its not our problem ,..and isnt it good,that we dont all have the same opinion on a matter ? I think so.

[bottlecar]

Hmmm, I know of the mother, she teaches at the high school my AFS daughter goes to. It does seem to be over the top, but the media have certainly played it up.

I agree misi it must happen a lot. What do you do when someone that hasn
t been respectful wants to pay their respects at their funeral? I think I'd put up with it, but who knows till you walk in those shoes.

[hps]

Yep its ok misi, not getting at you at all, just sharing my thoughts, sorry if I came across as though I was getting at you and you are right its good that we all have differences of opinion, it generates discussion.

Cheers chick

[sparrow]

Then again ... I could understand why he'd been absent from Tara's life. Imagine how the mother would behave regarding issues like access etc. She obviously hated the man and that would have had some impact on Tara's attitude toward her father? I don't know what he did and what went on, but I hope I would have bitten my tongue and allowed the father of the child, and his family to pay their respects in death - even if they hadn't been so good in life.

[wak]

Im in 2 minds over this one. firstly the father never paid any mind to the girl over the course of her life instead prefering to " wait untill shes an adult" so she can " make her own mind up".

But on the other hand in such a sad time surely the mother who obviously at some stage saw some good in the man could at least allow her daughters father to pay his last respects at her funeral.

but none of us know any of the facts surrounding the family dynamics so is quite hard to make a sound judgement call on that one.