R18 thread

[Lux]

Hahahaha...I'll let you know how my pancakes turn out! ;D

[rdsmum]

admin said:

Hahahaha...I'll let you know how my pancakes turn out! ;D

Put me off pancakes lol

[misilon]

me too ,...eeewwwpp!!

[misilon]

-The talkative Parrot

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot..

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said,
"Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said,
"New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith!"

[maire]

Lol good one Misi ;D ;D

[kokonutwoman]

lol

[sparrow]

A blonde goes into a hardware shop to buy a hinge. The salesman says to her: "Do you want a screw a for that hinge"? The blonde says: "Da, no. But I'll give you a blow job for that toaster"!

[Lux]

An Elderly Couple...

An elderly couple had been dating each other for 30 years and, at the urging of their friends and family, the finally decided it was time to get married. But first, they agreed they should work out the details of how their marriage was going to be, as to avoid any let downs or misunderstandings.

So the older couple went out to a nice dinner and had a long conversation about how their marriage is going to work. They discussed living arrangements, finances and other important stuff. Finally, the older gentleman decided it was time to bring up the subject of their physical relationship.

“How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather trustingly yet intrigued.

“Well,” she said, trying to choose her words carefully, “I’d have to say… I would like it infrequently.”

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and casually asked… “Is that one word or two?”

[maire]

Tetanus Shot

An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up
from the couch then starts putting on his coat.His
wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks,
'Where are you going?'
He replies, 'I'm going to the doctor.'
She says, 'Why, are you sick?'
He says, 'Nope, I'm going to get me some of that
Viagra stuff.'
Immediately the wife starts working and positioning
herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put
on her coat.
He says, 'Where the heck are you going'?
She answers, 'I'm going to the doctor, too.'
He says, 'Why, what do you need?'
She says, 'If you're going to start using that rusty old thing,


I'm getting a Tetanus shot.'

[maire]

Lol poor old oldies, they seem to be a good target for a joke ;D

[Misstique]

Yeah yeah I know .... its kinda gross, but its kinda funny too! lol

[maire]

Grandpa

There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table. Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom. When he returned, however, his trousers are wet all over. "What happened, Grandpa?" he is asked by his concerned children.

"Well," he answered, "I don't really know. I had to go to the bathroom. So I took it out and started to pee, but then I saw that it wasn't mine, so I put it back!"

[kokonutwoman]

[maire]

A Scotsman moves to Canada and attends his first baseball
game. The first batter approaches the batters' box, takes a
few swings and then hits a double.
Everyone is on their feet screaming 'Run!!!'
The next batter hits a single.
The Scotsman listens as the crowd again cheers 'RUN!! RUN!!'
The Scotsman is enjoying the game and begins screaming with
the fans. The fifth batter comes up and four balls go by.
The Umpire calls: 'Walk.'
The batter starts his slow trot to first base.
The Scot stands up and screams, 'Run ye lazy bastard rrrun!'
The people around him begin laughing. Embarrassed, the Scot
sits back down. A friendly fan notes the man's embarrassment,
leans over and explains, 'He can't run -- he has four
balls.'

The Scot stands up and screams:
'Walk with pride, Laddie!' ;D ;D

[maire]

UNDERWEAR IS IMPORTANT....


Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when
working under your vehicle. From the Northwest Florida
Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who
drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car
break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife
to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car
in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small
group of people near the car. On closer inspection,
she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the
chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully
stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts,
and tucked everything back into place. On regaining
her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself
staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in
his forehead.
;D ;D ;D ;D

[Lux]

[falcon]

I've already been told off at home for these jokes but here goes:

What do you call an anorexic qp with cheese with thrush? A quarter pounder with cheese.

[falcon]

There's a new doll on the market. It has no shoes, no clothes, no food and no farm. It's called Zimbarbie.

[maire]

[Misstique]

I hope this works!

[Misstique]

HOT DAMN!

[Misstique]

[Misstique]

[Misstique]

[Misstique]